The ancient Essenes taught that there were 7 mirrors of relationships. What this idea teaches is that, many times, a person or circumstance is the world around us is reflecting to us something of ourselves. Personally, I have noticed these mirrors in place in many of the people that I have been connected with over the years.
The mirror that I want to talk about is the 6th mirror, often referred to as “The Dark Night of the Soul.”
The Quest through the Darkness
Struggle. Pain. Sorrow. Greif. Heartache. Trouble.
These are all words that can describe one’s quest to find themselves amidst the turmoil that rages in the darkness.
Oftentimes, it is easy to get overwhelmed and to forget why we entered into this dark forest to begin with. We get lost in the moment, so wrapped up in the worst of what was that we forget who we were meant to become.
Often, there are those who will die in this swamp, never to see the light on the other side. They were never able to see the treasure. They lost their hope in despair, when if they only knew what lay in store for them if they just held on for another day – and another day after that, and another day after that, until the end – they would have been able to see the “why” of their struggle.
“The Dark Night of the Soul” challenges a person’s belief systems. So much so that their entire personal identity is questioned.
Despair. Depression. Aimlessness. Apathy. Ambivalence.
These are the traps one can fall into if he is not equipped to handle the struggle. It’s easy to get trapped in the mindset that the only thing that matters is the pain you are going through. It’s easy to just accept the pain as just a normal part of life. We cannot allow ourselves to wallow in the depths of despair, to think that there is no possible way out.
Yes, even those who are will armed may fall into these traps, but the difference is that they never stay there. They always find a way to keep moving forward, even if they can’t see past their next step.
Mental fortitude. Resolve. Determination. Hope.
This is what defines someone who will make it. This is what gives them the extra slight edge. This is how the darkness is defeated.
This was my story. This is what I was feeling during the winter of 2019-2020.
Before this time, I had my own vision of what my life would look like. I thought that I was going to be super successful in network marketing. However, after 1 month of trying to build the business, I ran into a brick wall. Nobody wanted to sign up.
It was here that the events of my blog “Overcomer: the Key to your Freedom is through your Greatest Pain” take place. That is when I woke up in the middle of the night – literally – realizing that pornography was keeping me from being successful. It was that night that I did a meditation which started the process of healing.
However, what I did not realize was that I was about to enter the darkest months of my life.
In October, I remember beating myself up mentally because I had still done nothing to build my network marketing business. I was frustrated because I was not where I thought I should be.
At the end of October, I started going to a friend of ours who was doing emotional release work at the time. I didn’t tell her exactly why I was going to her at first. It wasn’t until March 2020 that I told her about the porn addiction. Strangely enough, however, about 80% of the emotions that we released during this time were related to pornography.
It was during this time that my darkest moments manifested.
It was as if my entire world was turned upside down on the inside of me.
The darkness clouded my vision. Have you ever been on a cave tour, and at some point on the tour the guide turns off the lights? Remember how that darkness felt? You can’t see your hand in front of your face. The darkness is so thick that you can feel it surrounding you. You lose all sense of direction and have to hold on to something to keep from losing your balance.
That is what I felt during this time. I felt as if I was traveling through a tunnel with no lights, and the only thing that I could do was put one foot in front of the other. The only thing that was driving me during this time of my life was the hope that eventually the light would come, and I would reach the end of the tunnel.
The life that I thought that I was going to live now became nothing more than some unattainable dream. My plans for being extremely successful in network marketing were flushed down the drain.
All I was left with was the question, “Now what?” There were several nights where I was overwhelmed with despair, mourning the loss dreams that I had for success.
I lost the sense of who I was. It was only a few months prior that I had identified as being super successful in network marketing. Now that this was stripped away, I was left with the question, “Who am I?” Being a network marketer was what I had built my identity around for the past several years. Now that this dream was gone, how was I supposed to see myself?
If you have seen the movie “Frozen 2,” you will remember the song that Anna sings called “The Next Right Thing.” This song was one of two songs that helped me get through this time of my life. Let’s take a look at the lyrics to see what I mean:
I’ve seen dark before, but not like this.
This is cold. This is empty. This is numb.
The life I knew is over. The lights are out.
Hello, darkness. I’m ready to succumb.
I follow you around. I always have.
But you’ve gone to a place I cannot find.
This grief has a gravity that pulls me down.
But a tiny voice whispers in my mind.
You are lost. Hope is gone. But you must go on.
And do the next right thing.
Can there be a day beyond this night?
I don’t know anymore what is true.
I can’t find my direction! I’m all alone.
The only start that guided me was you.
How to rise from this floor
When it’s not you I’m rising for?
Just do the next right thing.
Take a step. Step again. It is all that I can
To do the next right thing.
I won’t look too far ahead.
It’s too much for me to take.
But break it down to this next step,
This next breath,
This next choice
Is one that I can make.
So I’ll walk through this night,
Stumbling blindly towards the light,
And do the next right thing.
And with the dawn, what comes then?
When it’s clear that everything
Will never be the same again,
Then I’ll make the choice
To hear that voice
And do the next right thing.
This is exactly what I was feeling during this time. This was a darkness that I had never experienced before. It literally felt like I was walking through that tunnel with Anna.
I had lost my balance. I had lost my sense of direction. I was confused. I had no idea what I was supposed to do now. I had no idea who I was.
This song was so emblematic of what I was going through, that it inspired a poem that I wrote on December 26, 2019, called “It’s Darkest before Dawn.”
There are long, dark nights
When we cry our silent tears.
You cannot tell anyone.
It’s only you and your hears.
These tears only speak
Of our inner suffering and pain.
They say what we think,
“Has my whole life been in vain?”
We think of all the days
And the years that have passed,
And you can’t help but wonder
If this one will be your last.
You reflect on your dreams,
All the ones you want to live.
They seem so far off!
Oh the things you would give!
You imagine a time,
Sometime in the future.
You are on your deathbed.
(which will come, to be sure).
You see ‘round your head
All your unlived dreams.
Each one of them says,
“You’ve forgotten us, it seems.
“We are all the things
Only you could have done,
But because of your fear,
We were all shunned.
“And now we die with you!”
Oh! You cringe at that thought,
For during the past months,
You did things you ought not.
Then, from deep inside,
Comes a still, small voice,
“It is not too late!
You can still make your choice!
“You can still live your life
How you want it to be.
For you, ‘tis yet coming.
Just wait and see!”
You realize it’s you
That you hear in your head.
Your fear washed away,
Hope comes instead.
There’s this thing called “life”
That we must all live through.
There are always the ups,
But there are downs too.
There’s one thing to be sure,
That if you press on
And do the next right thing,
You’ll be back up before long.
Take heed to this story
That I have just drawn,
And remember: it’s always
Darkest before dawn.
For me, writing has not only been a form of expression, but also a form of healing. Writing about something painful, even if nobody sees it, can be used as a form of release. It helps make sense of what a person is going through.
The fact that I wrote the above poem on December 26, 2019, is very important.
I kid you not. A few days later, I was working one night, and it was my turn to clean the bathrooms at the local pizza place that I was working at. That is when I heard Lauren Daigle’s song “Rescue” for the first time.
I was absolutely stunned when I heard it! I literally just stood there and listened to the song. When I got home, I listened to it again, and I just could not stop crying. Here was the answer to my prayer. That song was my comfort. Here are the lyrics:
You are not hidden.
There’s never been a moment
You were forgotten.
You are not hopeless.
Though you have been broken,
Your innocence stolen.
There is no distance
That cannot be covered
Over and over.
You’re not defenseless.
I’ll be your shelter.
I’ll be your armor.
I hear you whisper
Underneath your breath.
I hear your S.O.S,
Your S.O.S.
I will send out an army to reach you
In the middle of the hardest night.
It’s true. I will rescue you.
I will never stop marching to reach you
In the middle of the hardest fight.
It’s true. I will rescue you
I hear the whisper
Underneath your breath.
I hear you whisper
You have nothing left.
In my darkest hour, He was there beside me. I cannot express to you what it felt like to be going through such a dark time, yet holding on to that hope for the future, because He was beside me.
The Book of James says to rejoice when we fall into temptations, because the trying of our faith produces patience. When this patience is then fully matured, we will be whole and complete, lacking nothing.
Patience is the most important thing to hold on to during this struggle through the darkness.
And it is a struggle. Make no mistake. Some people may say, “Aw just get over it! Stop dwelling on it! Negative thinking is not a good thing. The more you well on it, the more it expands.” These people discount what this process is about.
The only way to get rid of the weeds in a garden is to focus on getting rid of them. If you just allow the weeds to grow, they will choke out the entire garden. You can’t ignore them in the hopes that “staying positive” will somehow get rid of them.
This process is not about staying positive through the entire thing. It is about perseverance despite the negative thoughts and feelings that come up. It is about moving through them, not avoiding them. That is how I made it through the night. I didn’t try to avoid it. I kept grinding through the healing. My focus on it caused it to be defeated.
The following poem is one that I wrote in March of 2021. The subject matter is the same as “It’s Darkest before Dawn,” but take note of the difference in tone from the previous one. This poem is more hopeful than the last one. This one is a result of a year and and a half of traveling my path of deep inner healing. It is called “Safe in the Arms of the Spirit.”
There are trials that we all must face
While traveling the path of life.
Often, what separates those who win and lose
Is as fine as the edge of a knife.
These challenges of life may not be easy.
The can cause us much distress.
Many times we do not pass them.
Then, we think of ourselves less.
Though we don’t always know why,
And may never find a reason,
You can be sure that the dark won’t stay forever.
Light, too, shall have its season.
The wilderness can be long and dry.
We long for how things used to be
Before we fell into trouble,
Or felt like drowning in a sea.
There are many things that come upon us.
That’s just the way life is.
But don’t forget what Paul said:
“All things work towards good if you are His.”
Each day is a gift – a chance to start anew.
Freedom comes when we realize that
We don’t have to relive the past.
We can leave it where it’s at.
Forgiveness is the path to life.
It’s the thing that sets us free.
It’s what breaks the chains that holds us down
And what lets me to be me.
I am a Child of the Most High God.
In this I have no doubt.
All of Satan’s influences and sin
Shall all be rooted out.
I am the Bride; He is the Groom.
I turn away from each and every sin.
I don’t want to sin, lest I grieve His heart.
He’s my true Love; I choose only Him.
How does this relate to trial?
He gives me tests to build me.
Every test I take builds my strength and faith,
That we may dance upon the sea,
Safe. In His arms.
This is what I learned when I traveled the Refiner’s Fire. I was able to experience firsthand that the only way to cure the impurities from an impure metal is to put the metal through the fire, to melt it so that the impurities can be removed. This causes the metal itself to be changed.
Through this refinement process, my vision for the future shifted. No longer do I desire to be super successful in network marketing as my primary drive. My vision now is to assist as many people as possible to be set free of the spiritual, emotional, and mental traumas that they may have endured.
Whatever you do, do not give up. No matter what you are going through, just keep moving. Babe Ruth said, “You cannot beat a person who will never give up.” Winston Churchill said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
The truth is we all have hard times in our lives. We all have disappointments. Yet, there are two things we can do with them. We can either wallow in them, or we can move past them and use their lessons as a foundation for a better life.
Conclusion
The Dark Night of the Soul is about achieving mastery of life. This is what we must understand. One does not travel this path unless they are ready. The person who completes this path in life is ready to step into total mastery over every other area of their life.
This is why it is so difficult to navigate. This is why the path challenges our true identity. It is to show us what we are truly made of. It is to show the world that we deserve what we are pursuing, because we have earned it through the strife.
I was conversing with Christ one night in April 2021, and He brought my attention to 2 Timothy 2. He said, quoting from this chapter, “Thou therefore, My son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And the things which you have heard and seen of Me among many other witnesses, the same you must commit to faithful men, who shall also be able to teach others.
“You therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No man who goes out to war entangles himself with the affairs of life, so that he may please him who chose him to be a soldier. And if a man also strive for masteries, or competes in the games, he is not crowned unless he competes lawfully. Behold, the farmer that works must be the first partaker of the fruit.
“Consider what I say, and the Lord, My Father and your Father, shall give you understanding in all things.”
He then said something to me that is the entire point of traveling the “Dark Night of the Soul,” “Do not the bravest soldiers who sacrifice the most for their brothers, a receive the greatest reward?”
Often we ask ourselves the question, as we go through these harsh times, “Why? What for? What’s the end?” The natural thing is to question. The right thing is to search for the answer, and when we can’t find it, search some more, until – finally – the truth reveals herself.
Suddenly, where we least expected, “Here I am!”
“Where were you when I needed you, before I fell into this pit?”
“Until you fell into this pit, you did not need me. You would not have seen my value.”
Sometimes she is right in front of us. Sometimes she is far away. Sometimes she jumps out at us. Sometimes she reveals herself slowly.
This is how the truth is: elusive, playful, showing up in the most unexpected way.
For more on the 7 Essene mirrors, this presentation by Gregg Braden is a great one that explains them quite thoroughly: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8Vol5SL5wU&list=PLN0hZZpGe-sC1t9X8JPqlM9FB3T6Y9fk9&index=70.
Super Success 